Tuesday, May 25, 2010


This past Sunday my brother, Phil, graduated from Lincoln Christian High School. It was there on that Sunday afternoon that I found some of my joy. I found it in those around me.
I am also a baby when it comes to monumental events such as graduations. I choke up at them, I choke up watching any high school State event, I choke up at weddings, I know I am going to sob my way through my own.
I was keeping it together perfectly until I heard some of his senior class sing For Good by Wicked. I love, love that album. I get chills listening to each song. I knew I was going to lose it when I saw that song on the program. I had one hour and three speeches to prepare myself for it.
But nothing prepared me for the joy I saw on each and every one of those seniors faces. They were all glowing. It was contagious. I felt so much joy for my brother in that moment. This moment sounds cliche, but in it I realized how powerful joy can be.
Powerful enough to give me back some of mine.


Ironically, what is on my mind today is what this verse about me is about. Lately I have been noticing the lack of joy within myself. I have been noticing much more complaining, and a lot less praising. When I say lately I mean the past year. But today, I really recognized it, and I wanted to take the time and analyze it, hoping to find the source.
Today I found the source.
I want to take you through my thought process before I realized what has been soaking up my joy. I grew up a joyful child. I would never let a thing bother me. God made me with the ability to constantly find the silver lining in every single little thing. On each sports team in junior high I was known as the positive, hard worker. I wouldn't let anyone get down on anyone. I was sure that a positive outlook would overcome any problem.
That was how I lived. I let God's joy shine through me, shining out all negative.
I cannot remember a specific moment my joy dwindled. But as I look back now I realized what was dwindling my joy.
The world.
Piece by piece, the world, and all the sin in it, was taking over my joy. I was losing my ability to see the silver lining in every situation. I was easily bummed. I easily felt negatively about myself. I easily was unsatisfied with what I had. I easily complained.
I am easily bummed. I do easily feel negatively about myself. I am easily unsatisfied with what I have. I easily complain.
My joy is being taking away from me, and I can feel God telling me to get it back.
And I want it back.


I had a moment today as I drove home from work. I drive right next to the apartment I lived in for an entire year with my two best girl friends. Today I drove past reminiscing in all the special moments we shared. I am a baby when it comes to missing things or people-just ask my fiance Seth. I miss things and people so easily, and today I really missed that three bedroom apartment, and the two people I shared it with.
I am so, so blessed to have found those girls and that apartment. God knew exactly what he was doing when he crossed our paths. I'm sure I can speak for them when I say we grew so much that year. We learned so much about each other, about ourselves, about God, about life. What we sacrificed in our schoolwork, we made up for in full in every other aspect of our lives. I will always be thankful for that year in apartment 211.

Times like those make me wonder how anyone could ever doubt the God looking down on us with the loveliest love anyone could ever imagine.


Time flew and before I knew it I hadn't blogged for five days! But I'm pretty sure I can find five things to blog about.

I was just given a new ipod this week. My ipod was on the verge of crashing. It had been showing signs for about a year now. I was so excited to start fresh with my new ipod.
My dying one has songs all the way from freshmen year in high school. That is six years of music. About 6000 songs. On a daily basis, I only enjoy listening to about 500 of those. I felt like I was trying to sift through a huge pile of junk every time I tried finding the perfect tune. It was so overwhelming; so much I was never going to sort through it all.
So when I got my new one, I didn't even want to add a single song. For one entire day I relished in the clean slate I had before me.
I wish I would have been able to start completely fresh. To have been able to buy all new songs. My wishes normally don't come true, but my loving brother, Tim, came pretty close. Him and his downloading skills saved the day.
I am proud to say I am an owner of an ipod with only 708 songs. I can peacefully put it on shuffle and listen through without skipping a single song. I cannot remember the last time I was able to do that!

Current favorite 'chill' album-
Festival-Sigur Ros

Friday, May 21, 2010


It has been way way too long; I was worried I wouldn't remember my password to login. I also kept putting it off because it has been so long I didn't know where to start.
I apologize, Susanna, my one faithful reader. This one's for you.

As you may know, I am in the midst of planning we wedding. One of my sisters, Susanna, is going to be a bridesmaid. I know she is excited; I'm excited too!
Well anyway, one day she gave me a little present. I had know idea, but that day was 100 days 'til my wedding. She had made me a countdown. She had linked together strips of paper (in the colors of my wedding of course). There was one for each day. She not only had written the number of days left, she also wrote me little notes and verses on each one. It was so wonderful and thoughtful of her I about cried.
So I have decided to each day start off my blog with a picture of the link I get to tear off. This will also help me keep up my blogging.

100 days left. Please excuse the harsh wall color. My dear brother, Joel, is letting me stay in his room this summer. Thanks bud!

The amount left last night. It is going by so fast!
She made the last day pink!